


Rendezvous of necromancers

by Cherrydragon26



Series: Zombieland Saga- Alternate Universes and Stories [11]
Category: Zombieland Saga (Anime)
Genre: But what can I do, Kotarou is not sure if he should be scared or confused, Other, Some Dark Humor, Some sexual humor too, This series is much more dark, and they are too chill about death, awkward talks, but he listens anyway, it just turns out that way every time I write, like these necromancer are not normal, now with part 2!, than the anime will ever probably be, the second chapter is purely dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrydragon26/pseuds/Cherrydragon26
Summary: Kotarou meets other necromancers. He isn't sure what to think of them.
Series: Zombieland Saga- Alternate Universes and Stories [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1165088
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this fic came from an unlikely source. A small anime called: Interspecies reviewers. And that tells you..... well I am not sure what that tells you about me, but nothing good probably. But then again, you probably are not reading this because you expect greatness, sooo......... you get what you asked for?

After meeting Jofuku and striking a deal with him, Kotarou somehow found himself working in his bar. He never volunteered or said he wanted to help out, but for some reason Jofuku thought it was a given, and because Tatsumi couldn't change his mind, he ended up really working here. If nothing else, at least this kind of work was not unknown to Koutarou because he frequently worked in caffes and bars, when he didn't have anywhere else to work. Still he felt a bit bitter about it, because Jofuku didn't really show him much about the dark arts, or dark magic he offered to teach to Koutarou, who was of course eager to know and learn. 

Even if this all turned out to be ruse, Koutarou at least hopes he learns something useful from this man, or at least comes in contact with someone who would help him out too. It was a small chance, but at least it could be a possible one. So for now Tatsumi shuts his mouth, doesn't complain and does his temporary job properly. He was just placing an order for the customer, when a group of loud men entered the bar, their rowdy voices echoing through the walls. 

"Where is Jofuku? Jofuku, our man! I am so glad to see you. You look good," One of the men said, sitting down on the chair, and Jofuku sat beside them. Tatsumi eyed the group warily, but when they ordered their drinks and lowered their voices, now talking with Jofuku in hushed tones, Koutarou decided they were not going to disrupt anything and went about his way, serving the customers and taking care of the bar.

They all drank and talked, with Jofuku sitting and apparently not planning to sit up at all. Even when it was a time to close up, they stayed in the same place, not moving. Tatsumi tried to kick them out and close up, but Jofuku told him off and said he can just lock them right here in the bar. So he did just that, and sat a couple of tables away, to listen to the conversations they were having. Those people were apparently too caught up in their talks, that they didn't even notice him.

And it seemed like the real talk started right now. The necromancers started to share their stories concerning the magic they can do, and the magic they learned, and it was actually pretty interesting to listen to. And then suddenly it did a 180-turn into a completely different territory for which he was not sure what to really think about.

"Is it necrophilia if you fuck a zombie? Or the undead?"

"I don't know man. I don't think so, though I suppose it is debatable"

"Of course it is! I mean they are dead dude, even if they can talk and move. I mean they went to beyond and returned because of some fucker, who wanted to play God. So of course it is"

"Well see who is talking. Aren't you a necromancer too?"

"Shut up, you stupid immortal sailor! I am not stupid enough to fuck a dead corpse, just because I summoned it from the grave! I mean that is so wrong!"

"You talking about morals? I think you picked a wrong group for preaching brother. None of us, could say he does what he does for the right reasons. I mean what we are doing, is probably prohibited by God, so I think in whatever way you try to justify your reasons, you are still going to hell"

"That is the truth right there! I mean, your ass is going to end up in hell anyway, why care about morals then?"

"Well at least I won't be cold"

"What is with you and the cold man? Is not being cold the only thing you think about?"

"Not the only thing, but it is pretty important to me."

"All right people! Let's return to the answer at hand. My opinion is that it is not. Because zombies are not technically dead, and they are not alive either. They are somewhere in between, so I think it is not considered necrophilia, if you are fucking something that is unidentifiable"

"Unidentifiable? That is hilarious on so many levels. But I must say I disagree, it is necrophilia for sure. No question about it"

"I think my brother has a point. Zombies should not exist, but they do. And we still haven't put them in a clear group. So until we do that, I vote that we don't see it as necrophilia."

"Vote? Since when were we democrats? But because everyone said their piece I am going to tell mine. I think we shouldn't even talk about this, because frankly it is gross and I want to throw up"

"Stop playing the saint, man! You must have thought at least once that even if the chick or a man, we don't judge here, who you reincarnated is smoking hot, even if it is dead? You must have thought of putting it in at least once! "

"Yuck! What are you saying of course I didn't! I don't think of my zombies in that way. I think of them as my children"

Complete silence. And then one of them says:" That's even worse man"

"What?! I didn't mean it like that! You, you....... You bastards! What are you making me imagine, you fucking perverts!"

"Hey, you are the one who said it," One necromancer said, and a fight breaks out. Koutarou comes between them and with Jofuku's permission he kicks all of them out of the bar, finally. When all of them are out, Jofuku comes closer to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. "So what did you think of that conversation?"

Tatsumi is silent for some time, trying to say something that isn't totally insulting. "Well that was not what I expected." Jofuku fortunately laughs at that and agrees completely with Koutarou's analysis of the conversation he listened to. "And what's that immortal sailor thing about? Why did that guy call you that?"

He smiles slyly and says:" I will tell you one day, but not right now. Right now you should go to your bed." Tatsumi only nods his head at that, and goes away without saying anything in answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of some more ridiculous themes the drunken necromancers could talk about. So I decided to add those ideas here again. Hopefully you enjoy reading it.

"So how is work going?"

"Awful! Ever since the demand for necromancy has increased, now not only do I have to fight the dead I now have to fight the plagiarists who present themselves as real necromancers. It's just so tiring, and I am sick of it"

"Ya, man it's a real bummer. Wish we could just kill them and be over with it"

"Totally. But killing is considered a 'crime', and we are already doing something illegal, so it would not be in our interest to just add another crime to our table"

"If you ask me, I would totally kill the bastard, that is interfering with my job. Damn the consequences, I think in the end it is all the same"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I am already a criminal, so what is another broken law on the table going to change?"

"Well I think it could change the outcome of your punishment, but hey it's your life. If you want to spend it in jail, it's your call. I as hell am not going to stop you. Actually it would even be a bit of a relief for me, as I don't like you very much anyway"

"Fuck you! I wish you do something unspeakable too, and end up in jail the same as me!"

"Why are you even fighting about this? Aren't you all immortal? You would outlive all of them anyway, so a couple of decades in jail, would not mean much in the grand scheme of things"

"Fuck you too, you ugly vampire! I ain't immortal, okay? I am just really knowledgeable about black magic!"

"Hey, guys I just got a crazy idea. Can you actually summon yourself from the dead?"

"Yeah, you can in theory. It is just really tricky. And you never know if you got something wrong or not, until you do it. And it is already too late to change then. Unfortunately our work is not an exact science, people!"

"And no matter how sure of yourself you are, you can always do something wrong and fuck the whole thing up. And I ain't gonna risk that. If you ask me, I am going to die, and if I feel like it, I will ask one of you to reincarnate me. Just to see how being a zombie is. And then if I get bored of it, I will ask of you to kill me, or kill myself again and go back to wherever I was before."

"Well, most of us are already immortal, so it doesn't matter much to us. We won't die, unless in some extreme cases."

"It's easy for you, but what about us not-immortals? What are we going to do?"

"I think that it would be a real challenge if you attempt something like that. And if you actually succeed, I would consider it my biggest achievement yet! Just imagine, the ecstasy after that"

"I think you would feel the same as when you pleasure yourself, or masturbate"

"That.... is an interesting comparison, I think would work in this case"

"Hey, you know I actually did reincarnate myself, successfully"

Complete silence. And then all hell breaks lose. "What? What the fuck are you on about?"

"You serious, man? How the hell have we not noticed?"

"You were a zombie? No wonder, you were so ugly. No wait a minute, that is your normal look..."

"You practically look the same! Except maybe the smell..."

"Oh, God how haven't I noticed! The smell is the giveaway!"

"You haven't known?"

"No, we haven't. Not at all"

"When did you actually die?"

"I am not sure what does this say about our friendship, when you don't even know when I have died and gone to heaven"

"But have you really gone to heaven, though?"

"We are not starting this argument, again! Let's just listen to what the man has to say!"

"It wasn't really heaven, nor was it hell.... I don't know what it was, haven't been there for long. I drew a magical seal in my room, charmed myself and everything around me, drank a potion, drew magical tattoos, drank another potion and cast a spell. Then when I died, poof! I appeared in my room again, not long after that. And that is all"

"Later you will explain that in much more detail, but for now it is enough"

"Wow, man I never knew you were so cool. That is necromancer goals right there! I wish I was as smart as you"

"You aren't. So stop trying to copy me"

"Hey! You wanna go, huh? You up for it?!"

"Stop fighting and shouting! I am too drunk for this. I am going home"

"Yeah, me too. I am going to go comatose as soon as I fall on my bed, and I probably won't wake up for months"

"Same, same"

"So we all agree, it is time to close up"

"Uh, huh. Totally"

"Hundred percent"

"Let's go to bed"

"Alright, then go over there, where the door is, and run along to your homes"

"Thanks man, it was fun. See you again sometime later"

"Me too! See you when I see you!"

"Goodbye!"

"Adios, amigos!"

"Bye! And good night!"

"Bye, you guys. And have a safe trip home!"


End file.
